scraps & lagniappe

29 day television challenge: day 06 - favorite episode of your favorite tv show

I'm taking on my favorite comedy today, Arrested Development. For the clip to make sense, this is what you need to know: Jason Bateman's Michael is the everyman of the show. He tries to see the best in people and loves his crazy family. His brother, Buster, has a hook for an arm, but it got stuck in the car's dashboard. Michael has fallen in love with Rita (Charlize Theron), but is mistaken in thinking she's just cute and quirky when she's really mentally challenged. Oh, and Rita lives in Little Britain in California. 

Here's a clip from "For British Eyes Only."

 

29 day television challenge: day 03 - your favorite new show (aired this tv season)

I'm not loving any shows this season. I like Up All Night because it's about the new parent stuff most of us have been through. It also has Maya Rudolph and Will Arnett, two of my favorite people. Here's a clip.

 

29 day television challenge: day 2 - a show that you wish more people were watching

Let's get something straight right now. I don't care what the hell you watch. I don't. A lot of you weirdos watch True Blood and that zombie show and Extreme Couponing. Who am I to judge? I watch Hoarders. I watch Cajun Pawn Stars. I watch shows about chefs. 

The show I wish more people were watching is Community, so it won't be canceled. As it is, it's been put on hiatus and that isn't good. Here's a clip:

 

And that's just the kind of stuff the tack on at the end of an episode.

29 day television challenge: day 1- a show that should have never been canceled

Arrested Development should have never been canceled. And as proof, it's coming back. There really aren't enough words to describe my feelings about this show. There are tons of running jokes, making fun of all kinds of handicaps, races, other shows, a never-nude. 

I'm giving you one scene that can be used in so many situations: when Franklin the offensive puppet tells Lucille, "I don't want no part of your tired ass country club, you freak bitch."

 

live-blogging the Golden Globes

It's the Golden Globes, people.  I hope you dressed for the occasion. I'm in my hot pink robe with ruffles, so I'm probably overdressed. You people just don't know the preparation I put into this occasion. With the ruffled hood of my robe I look like a supercute Jedi, Obi-Wan Kerrobie. Dorktacular.

Time to refresh your memory of the nominees.  Don't worry, the only film I've seen that's nominated is Toy Story 3.  I don't get to the theater as often as I'd like, but I had no interest in Black Swan.  I can't stand birds.  The Social Network?  I'm on Facebook all day, I pretty much know the plot. Apparently Inception was about dreams. I also have a movie coming out about dreams, it's called Dayuuuum and I can't talk about it.  

Here we go! Remember to refresh the page every couple of minutes for my latest idiotic commentary. Oh, and forgive me for typos, live-blogging is fast, hard work and I am neither fast nor hard-working. 

5pm - Ryan Seacrest is pointing to chairs with the stars' pics in them.  I can't believe I have to tolerate him for 2 hours.

5:02 - It's 80 degrees in Hollywood. Seacrest says he is sweating. Gross. A sweaty Seacrest? 

5:03 - Olivia Wilde from House and probably other stuff is wearing a dress by Marchesa.  It's sparkly, like the sweaty Seacrest! Oh, she is in Tron.  I wouldn't know about that b/c I didn't see it.

5:05 - Ugh, I don't like Guiliana either. Does E! purposely hire the most annoying people they can find. I know that's mean, but I'm a horrible person. Ah, Kelly Osborne.  I can tolerate her. Bring on more celebrities, I am already bored.

5:07 - The Seacrest has Kaley Cuoco from The Big Bang Theory - another show I've never seen. She's wearing an engagement ring, but she's not engaged. Dumb. Her dress is gauzy. 

5:09 - I have a headache. I blame The Seacrest.

5:12 - Oh dear, they have limo-cam. Why? I love that most of the celebrities don't show up 'til the last minute so the hosts just say hi to each other and pitch back to the carpet, up to the sky box, back to the carpet. 

5:14 - is that Paula Abdul?

5:15 - Commercial for some gum just said the average person has 21 first kisses. Interesting. I'm no expert, but is 37 a high number? No reason.

5:19 - JLove Hewitt. Her dress looks like she has a bowl at the top. Which is nice if you don't want to carry a purse. Wait - JLove wrote a book???? Everyone can get published except for me.  Good grief.

5:21 - some cute blond guy who is in Thor. He's in a tux and his tie is crooked. 

5:22 - Katie Lee Joel is wearing an orange dress with candy corn at the neck.  I love candy.

5:23 - First Alec Baldwin sighting of the night. 

5:23- the stars show up and NOW you go to commercial?

5:25 - still can't believe they cut away from Baldwin. Seacrest, I blame you.

this just in: live-blogging the Golden Globes

This just in: I just decided I will be live blogging the Golden Globes, starting with the red carpet on E! at 5 pm cst.  So, meet me back here and refresh every couple of minutes for tipsy commentary on fashion and awards. Don't worry, they serve booze at the Globes, it's all good.

I'll be there dressed as Alexis in shoulder pads

The powers that be are making a Dynasty movie.  Oh, yes they are.  The creators are likening it to Mad Men, making it a '60s prequel of the '80s series.  That means young Blake and young Alexis.  

I think we all know what that means -- Alexis fighting with women other than Krystle. But for old times sake, here are Alexis and Krystle falling in mud.  

 

Those were the days.

if Santa's coming to my house he's coming through the space heater

Now it may be because I'm recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed and I'm on drugs, but I thought this was funny.  

 

I've never seen Lopez Tonight, but Antoine Dodson is fantastic.  

Bonus points for mentioning a space heater, Wendy Williams, Kool-Aid, and a switchblade.  If you didn't grow up with a space heater instead of a fireplace, that joke is probably lost on you, but to some of us that is some funny shit.  I may have to add a new category on the blog for "growing up in what became the ghetto."  Good times.

 

scrambled eggs

If you're a reader of this blog you know I love Jimmy Fallon.  You also I know I love Paul McCartney.  Like a lot.  McCartney was a guest on Late Night and this happened.

I really need a talk show.

cough, laugh, cough

I have bronchitis.  Bronchitis pretty much forces me to take to the sofa or my bed to watch tv and talk to friends on Facebook.  Last night I was up coughing, watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and while watching the clip I'm posting below, I started a laughing/coughing fit that made me reach for my inhaler.  

 

The guy who says "I don't want to see that either" is priceless and man, I wish I would have hung out with Drunk George Bush back in the day.  Can you imagine?