scraps & lagniappe

the Swayze post

As I said many times to friends on Facebook last night, damn you, 2009, for taking another of our pop culture icons away.  I don't know how much more we can take.

Natasha Richardson, Ed McMahon, Farrah Faucet, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, Ted Kennedy, Walter Cronkite, John Hughes, and now Patrick Swayze.  It's the year of celebrity deaths.

The first time I remember seeing Swayze was in The Outsiders, as Ponyboy Curtis' older brother.  The Outsiders was the breakout movie for practically every up and coming male actor of the 80's (PLUS Tom Waits) and come on -- Tom Cruise playing a greaser?  shut up.  

Then Red Dawn with Jennifer Grey in 1984, which was clearly foreshadowing of Dirty Dancing.

Enter Johnny Castle.

That's right, nobody puts Baby in a corner.  And don't you forget it.  I don't know a girl who grew up in the 80's who didn't watch this at a slumber party and commit practically every line to memory.  It's not even one of my favorite movies and I know just about every line.  Aside from John Hughes movies, this film is one of the most quotable 80's movies ever:

This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. 

Oh, come on, ladies. God wouldn't have given you maracas if He didn't want you to shake 'em.

But, last week, I took a girl from Jamie, the lifeguard. And he said to her, right in front of me, "What does he have that I don't have?" And she said, "Two hotels." 

I carried a watermelon.

Who hasn't carried a watermelon?  That's the proverbial watermelon.  That's when you have your chance to say something brilliant to someone you admire and instead, when they say "what are you doing here?" you say "I carried a watermelon" or something equally ridiculous, which leaves you feeling like a fool.  I have done this approximately 400,000 times in my life thus far and can only imagine it will happen again any day now.  Back in the day, there were a few Johnny Castles in my life and I proved that I was much more eloquent on paper than in person more than I'd like to remember.  Once, a teacher asked me to bring my crush's varsity jacket that he had left in her classroom to him, so I walked up to him at that afternoon's pep rally, jacket in hand.  He says "we have to stop meeting like this" (I know, how cute is that?) and I say "this is your jacket."  Well, it did have his name on it and I was queen of the obvious.  He looked down at me from over his glasses, said "thanks" and turned back to his friends.  And I wondered why he never asked me out.  

Back to Swayze.  So, we had Dirty Dancing, then Road House, then there was this:

A Difficult Choice - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

And that's just plain awesome.  

And Ghost, which for the one person reading this blog who hasn't seen the film, is about pottery.  Oh, and dead people.

Point Break is one of the best movies in the history of ever.  If you didn't like this movie you may have an undiagnosed mental illness.  Seriously.  Point Break has sky diving, FBI dudes, bank robbery, surfing, Gary Busey -- what's not to love?

I couldn't pick a favorite part of the movie because it's just THAT awesome.  And Swayze's hair?  Sweet mother of Vidal Sassoon, his hair alone deserved an Oscar.  

But in 1995, Swayze brought it.  I'm talking about To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.  As Miss Vida Boheme, Swayze was a flawless mentoring drag queen/ass kicker (that's right, ass kicker).  Oh, let's just go to the clip already.

When I grow up I want to be Vida.  Girl loves her accessories.  Oh, and she kicks some serious ass starting at 3:23 of this clip.

Rest in peace, Patrick Swayze.  Thank you for giving us some of my generation's most memorable characters.  You will be missed.

80's Sunday Rewind: John Hughes edition

As I drove home from Shreveport this afternoon, I put my 80's playlist on the iPod after the first hour on the road and something occurred to me: there are a great many songs I adore from John Hughes movies.  If you read my earlier post about the influence of Hughes' films, you know I love the Pretty in Pink soundtrack, but it's also worth mentioning that Hughes introduced many bands to America's youth in the 80's. 

What would the ending of Sixteen Candles be without Thompson Twins "If You Were Here"?

And my favorite scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off wouldn't be the same without the instrumental version of this Dream Academy cover of The Smith's "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want."  It's the museum scene -- you know it as soon as you hear the melody.

I'll leave you with my all-time favorite.  I've written about this before, but it's The Rave-Ups (one of my fave bands) song "Positively Lost Me," which they play on stage at Cats, the club in Pretty in Pink.  It's the song playing over the scene where Andie brings Blane to the club.  This song is great for many reasons: 1. it was not included on the soundtrack 2. they were in the film because they were Molly Ringwald's favorite band 3. until very recently, the song wasn't available on iTunes and was considered rare 4. lastly, listen to the lyrics .  Jimmer lists things the girl has lost, it's brilliant.  The things are just things, but it also tells you quite a bit about their relationship, then he nails the last line with "you lost my face, you lost my laugh/and then you lost my confidence."   And also brilliantly, the song is playing while Duckie tells Andie off.  Great scene.  Here's the song.

"You lost a lot when you lost me
Six paperback books and a dying tree
A looking glass and a diamond ring
You lost me and you lost some dreams

Oh, you lost your cool, you lost your keys
And then you lost a sense of honesty

Two blankets and a bookshelf piece

Two blankets and a bookshelf piece
A picture frame and a couple keys

Two blankets and a bookshelf piece
A picture frame and a couple keys
Stole a couple of dollars that I won't see

Two blankets and a bookshelf piece
A picture frame and a couple keys
Stole a couple of dollars that I won't see
You lost a lot when you lost me

You lost my face, you lost my laugh
and then you lost my confidence"

this summer's blockbuster

This just in: the movie of my life is coming to a theater near you. 

Hell yeah!

*saw the movie poster on Planet Fabulon, but grabbed the image from a movie poster site.  I'm not linking to PF because Planet Fabulon is most likely not safe for work, unless you work in the arts (and work naked around other naked people from time to time). 

this will not stand!

People, I can only take so much.  I am thisclose to what they used to call a nervous breakdown and I can't take much more.  Believe me, it won't be pretty when they commit me, because I'm sure my iPhone will be taken away and let's not even discuss life without my accessories.  Seriously.

As much as it hurts to type these words, I have to talk about it.  This is not news I would want you to hear from anyone else or even worse, on the street.  Twentieth Century Fox is remaking Girls Just Want to Have Fun, the 1985 classic starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt, and Shannen Doherty.  For the love of leg warmers, I don't think I can take it.  You do remember the movie, don't you? 

Janey (SJP) is the new girl in her Chicago Catholic school and her dream is to be on DanceTV, an 80's American Bandstand, if you will.  She becomes BFFs with Lynne (Helen Hunt) and they audtion for spots on the show.  Janey is paired with boy-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks, Jeff, and they practice their dance at night when Janey sneaks out of her house.  When her Army dad finds out about her auditioning, he loses it and goes down to DanceTV to put his foot down.  Of course, when he sees Janey dance he realizes she is a star and Janey and Jeff win spots on the show.  But really, the description is nothing compared to the first-rate acting, costumes, Helen Hunt's accessories (come to think of it, this movie may have been my introduction to accessories), and --hello-- a pre-teen Shannen Doherty!

Here's your refresher course:

Sweet mother of Ogilvie Home Perms, that is pure 80's.  It doesn't get more cheesetastic that that, my friends.  GJWTHF is a period piece.  It cannot be remade!  Please, as if that movie could be made in this decade.  It cannot be done.  And who, pray tell will play Janey?  So help me, if they cast Miley Cyrus I will go Crazy White Girl on Twentieth Century Fox.  I'm not kidding.  I would not kid about something like this.  I'm sure one of the Disney tweens or teens will be cast and no one can hold a candle to SJP or Helen Hunt's character, Lynne the class clown who breaks out with "Day-o" in the middle of choir practice.  I haven't even mentioned some of the best lines from an movie of the 80's. 

When Helen Hunt does and outfit quick-change, "Velcro. Next to the Walkman and Tab it is the coolest invention of the 20th century!" 

The DanceTV guy on the dance costumes, "Oh, I like this. Sort of Rebel Without a Cause meets Sound of Music... you're taking a fashion risk. I like that."

Anywalkman, I have little faith in the filmmakers attempting this remake.  No good can come of this.  I expect the new version to pimp out every Disney Channel kid wannabe in Hollywood to try to make GJWTHF into some High School Musical clone.  And I promise, if they cast Zac Efron as Jeff -- no, I can't imagine it.  I don't have to tell you that makes me ill.  My other thought is that they might try to make it a serious film.  It's not a musical, it's not trying to be West Side Story, it's a fun movie for fun times.  Speaking of fun -- here's the best fun scene of the movie, when the girls make copies of the rich girl's sweet sixteen party invitation and give invites to some trannies, punks, female body-builders, and hot messes in general.  Love that.  Sure, the Cyndi Lauper song is bastardized, but I forgive. 

tunes you need Tuesday: queen of soul edition

EDIT:  I'm not sure what was going on with the audio clips, but I've fixed them.  Sorry for the weird permission pop-ups some of you received, looks like the blog went crazy for a bit.

It's been a rough couple or three weeks for your favorite redheaded blogger.  In times like these I turn to the woman I consider to be my sort-of fairy godmother of music, Aretha Franklin.  Aretha has been with me through some tough times and she always has good advice through song (and no, it's not just because of "Dr. Feelgood").  Her voice is like a soothing salve to the heartbroken and hurt, and there is no emotion that she hasn't lent that amazing voice to.  The Queen's discography reads like a best-of "That's What I Call Gospel/Rock/R&B!" album -- which only exists on my iPod. 

Unless you've just come from Amish country and my blog was your first stop on the Interwebs, you've at least heard Aretha on the radio.  If you weren't fortunate enough to grow up with Aretha as your musical fairy godmother, here's an excerpt of her accomplishments from her Wikipedia entry:

Franklin is one of the most honored artists by the Grammy Awards, with 20 Grammys to date, which include the Living Legend Grammy and the Lifetime Achievement Grammy. She also sang at the presidential inauguration of 44th President of the United States Barack Obama. She has scored a total of 20 #1 singles on the Billboard R&B Singles Chart, two of which also became #1 hits on the Billboard Hot 100: "Respect" (1967) and "I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)" (1987), a duet with George Michael. Since 1961, Franklin has scored a total of 45 "Top 40" hits on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

In 1987, Franklin became the first female artist to be entered into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.^[3]

And my personal favorite, in what had to be the highlight of George W. Bush's presidency, he awarded  Aretha the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2005.  Yeah, that's awesome.  Her voice was also declared a "natural resource" of her home state of Michigan.  Not bad for a preacher's daughter from Detroit.  And no, she wasn't on the Motown label.  Her first single with Atlantic Records was 1967's "I Never Loved a Man (The Way That I Love You)" and I thought you might enjoy that performance from her "Lady Soul" television special from 1968.  I remember watching the rebroadcast of the special several times starting at the age of 11 and memorizing the hand motions of Aretha's backup singers. 

When I thought about what I would write about Aretha Franklin, her greatest hits ran through my head, but I thought it would be an injustice to simply give you clips of "Respect," "Chain of Fools," and "(You Make Me Feel Like a) Natural Woman."  Although those are all some of the best songs in the history of ever, I suspect that some of my readers have never heard some of her other superfantastic songs.  The B-side to "I Never Loved a Man" was "Do Right Woman, Do Right Man," and it is one of my favorites.  Have a listen. 

Was I right?  How good is that?  If you liked that song, go download "Dr. Feelgood" as well.  The last line of the song is worth the 99 cents, trust me -- I've been singing it in the car like a fool for years. 

Before you think Aretha had all of her success in the 60's, must I remind you of her cameo in The Blues Brothers?  Maybe this will refresh your memory.

Aretha Franklin the Blues Brothers - Think - Trilulilu Video Muzica - Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

I don't have to tell you that's my favorite scene in the movie.  The 80's were good to Aretha and she gave us some good times.  There were duets with Annie Lennox from the Eurythmics and the song that would top my duet list for karaoke -- "I Knew You Were Waiting For Me" with George Michael. 

Now, if that isn't the fabulous 80's I don't know what is.  Not only have I had my hair cut like Aretha's in that video, I believe I also had the doorknocker earrings and I covet her gold lame skirt.  Seriously.  And is George just delicious in that?  Shut up, he was.  The hair, the jacket, the jeans, the voice -- love 80's George. 

Back to Aretha.  By now you know I love this woman and what she has contributed to music, but you should know that she is still influencing today's artists.  Last year Fantasia recorded with Aretha and John Legend, but I chose her song "A Rose is Still a Rose" from 1998 with Lauryn Hill on back-up for you to listen to.  This song went gold and echoes back  to her earlier songs about heartache and relationships, something Aretha is clearly at home singing about.  She's had this to say about her music, "If a song's about something I've experienced or that could've happened to me it's good. But if it's alien to me, I couldn't lend anything to it. Because that's what soul is all about."  How true. 

So, that's what I love about Aretha Franklin.  She is the best.  And she also gave the world the best big girl quote ever, "I'm a big woman.  I need big hair."  I love that woman.  Remember earlier in this post when I told you to get "Dr. Feelgood"?   I can't think of a better way to end this post than with that song, 'cause good God-a-mighty the man sure makes me feel real good. 

Sunday Rewind: Psychedelic Furs edition

Ah, one of my first loves, The Psychedelic Furs. 

The Furs came out of post-punk England in the late '70s and had some success in the US with 1981's Talk Talk Talk and the songs "Dumbwaiters" and "Pretty in Pink," but it wasn't until the 1986 movie of the same name that the Furs were a household name.  Well, the song was anyway.  They are an easy band to love with songs like "Heaven," "Until She Comes," and "Heartbreak Beat" and Richard Butler's hoarse voice is just lovely. 

Without further delay, here are the videos.  Lots of videos today because the Furs make me happy and I love that voice.  I'm giving you a the gift that is the original version of "Pretty in Pink," which is the stripped-down, moodier version.  Also in today's line-up are "Heartbreak Beat," "Ghost in You," "Love My Way," and the 1991 Letterman show performance of "Until She Comes" -- one of my faves, just for you because you're special.  Do yourself a solid and go get their Greatest Hits, put it on and quote Iona  from Pretty in Pink, "applause, applause, APPLAUSE."  Now that I think of it, we may be due for an 80's movie review (as if I don't talk about PIP enough).  Enjoy the Furs.

I shoulda been a screenwriter

There are a few things in life that I know for sure: 

9 to 5 jobs aren't for me.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.
The Beatles recorded the best songs in the history of popular music.
If there is a puddle anywhere in the vicinity of where we are, my children will find it.
Elvis is everywhere.
If I decide to sleep in one of my neighbors will mow their grass at 7 am.
Jesus loves me.
Thanks to my Mammaw Patsy's recipe, I make the best sweet potato pie on the planet. 
Children and Sharpie markers do not mix.
I will be the person the crazy person in the checkout line decides is their new BFF.
It's okay to be yourself.  Yourself is pretty cool. 
Every scrap of paper and envelope with a phrase or poem I've written will be found one day and I will be the modern Emily Dickinson. 

The last thought has stayed with me the last few days.  Dickinson had fewer than a dozen out of 1,800 poems published in her lifetime and posthumously became one of our most celebrated American poets.   While I'm not primarily a poet (save for my vicious haiku), I have had about as much success as a published writer as the Belle of Amherst, so far anyway. 

As I've pondered this: my love/hate relationship with writing and the difficulty an undiscovered author has getting one of the publishing houses to look at a manuscript, let alone getting having an audience of readers (unless Oprah happens upon your book, then look out); I've come to a realization.  I should have been a screenwriter.

Here's a haiku for you.

Oprah, read my book

it's a love story, kinda

it's one girl's story

Okay, so I'm thinking the one industry where you can garner an audience and have your name in front of millions is in film.  Granted, people wouldn't be reading my work, at least it would be out there.  And if it was good enough for F. Scott Fitzgerald when went broke, then heck if it isn't good enough for Kerry Branton Faler.  Hell, I don't even have anything to sell out to.  Fitz was a brilliant author, I'm just a girl who can write a decent sentence every once in a while.  

And besides that, you don't have to be brilliant to be a screenwriter.  What am I talking about -- you don't have to be mediocre these days.  Have you seen what's making it to screens near you?  For the life of me, I can't figure out how I can get published, and yet I see trailers for Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.  It's a real for real movie.  I'm not making this up.  It stars Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah (Debbie) Gibson and some big ass sea creatures.  Don't believe me?  Fine.  Here's the trailer.  

Yeah. 
That's a movie.  Someone named Jack Perez is the writer and director.  That's right, he wears two hats on this film.  Two. 

I'm going to self-publish something and I'll direct the heck out of the movie, too.  I'll star in the movie!  I have no acting experience, but neither did Debbie Gibson and she's in the big ass shark vs ginormous freakin' octopus movie!  Maybe I should switch genres and write science fiction.  I could write about aliens and monsters and stuff.  As long as the aliens and monsters have inner dialogue and anxiety.

Sunday rewind: Human League

Last week we took at trip back to the 80's with Thompson Twins, this week it's another great synth band, Human League.  I was quite disheartened that my favorite Human League video on You Tube has embedded disabled, so you'll have to go there to see "(Keep Feeling) Fascination".  I can't imagine there is a great demand for Human League vids, but whatevs. 

Human League are a fab British new wave band who made some great tunes back in the day and are still recording, still touring, still going strong.  The three must-have tracks for you 80's iPod playlist are "(Keep Feeling) Fascination," "Human," and of course "Don't You Want Me."  The first is a video is a live version of the song (definitely not as good as the original) and the other two videos are the oridinal 80's goodness.  I must say I'm disappointed that the lead singer doesn't wear makeup anymore and he's shaved his head, no more sexy floppy hair that I love.  Someone has to bring back the floppy hair.  Since Hugh Grant's gone shorter all the other guys have too and it's just not right.  Throw me a bone here, I don't ask for much. 

Enjoy the Sunday rewind!  Next week: the floppy-haired Brit band ABC.  Lead singer, Martin Fry gave my boy Hugh Grant singing and dancing lessons for Music and Lyrics, so you know he's got street cred.  Okay, maybe not street cred -- oh shut up, this daylight savings has me all messed up and I need a vacation. 

Sunday rewind: The Thompson Twins

The Thompson Twins are an must-have on your 80's iPod playlist.  As I've told you, on Sunday's we'll be running down my 80's playlist for songs you need to have and it would be a travesty to omit Thompson Twins.  You know the Twins.  They were part of our life soundtrack, Molly Ringwald kissed Jake Ryan (I still heart Jake Ryan) to "If You Were Here" sitting on the dining room table over her birthday cake in Sixteen Candles and we all sighed.  I think I need a moment.  Let's all take a moment and watch the ending of Sixteen Candles when Jake is waiting outside the church for Sam.  And yes, this video is in Spanish because I couldn't find a You Tube video  in English.  Whatev.

Divine.  Even in Spanish.  Okay, so Thompson Twins were a great synth New Wave band who were neither comprised of members who were twins, nor had the surname Thompson.  Confused yet?  Anyway, they were a great band.  Here's a few more songs, this time just their videos, in English no less. 

The first is "King For a Day," and I'm going to get my hair done like the singer's. That's freakin' awesome 80's. And I want a robot like they have too.

Here is "Lay Your Hands on Me," which includes lyrics I still love,
This old life seemed much too long
With little point in going on
I couldn't think of what to say
Words just vanished in the haze
I was feeling cold and tired
Yeah kinda sad and uninspired
But when it almost seemed too much
I see your face
And sense the grace
And feel the magic in your touch

And lastly, "Hold Me Now." This song is pretty perfect. Not just as an 80's song, not just because the lead singer has the floppy hair I love, not just because the video features almost everything great about 80's videos (including cowbell) and bad dancing, it's just a good pop song. Britney and Xtina and Beyonce couldn't make a song as good and simple as this if they tried. Not even if they got mowhawks and cowbells. Plus, if you notice, no one's half-naked in their videos. Hmm, interesting. It's just music. How old-fashioned.

open letter to SJP

Dear Sarah Jessica Parker,

Can I call you SJP?  Good.  SJP, I feel like I know you -- I know you don't know me, but I know you because I've grown up with you, via the television greatness known as Square Pegs and the film masterpiece Girls Just Want to Have Fun.  I've kept up with you through the years and being BFFs in my head the way we are, I can't help but feel it's time to have an intervention.  I'm calling your friends Helen Hunt and Shannen Doherty from Girls Just Want to Have Fun and along with your hubs, we're going to get things right with you.  About what?  Have you not seen the photographs?  Well, I was going to leave the evidence for the intervention, but you've forced my hand.  Go ahead and look. 

Do you see it?  Come on, SJP.  You know it's there.  You have a bad case of over-topping and side-boob. 

I know, I know.  It's the dress -- no, it's not.  It's the boobs.  You've managed to put on a dress than serves as a boob-tray and go to the Oscars.  You know the dress looked like that before you left the hotel.  Not only do you look half an inch away from a wardrobe malfunction, you're boobs look like they're fighting and running in seperate directions.  When you're boobs look like they've had an argument, it's far from being a good thing. 

In the second pic, Matthew looks like he's about to break into everyone's favorite Broadway number "Hello Booby."   Lord only knows what painful undergarments you were wearing to boost those babies up and make them look fake.  I don't think they are, but they're looking it.  SJP, there was simply not enough fabric in the bodice of that dress.  I know a thing or two about boobs.  I have two of them, I've had them since fourth grade -- I am an authority on the subject.  We've all had bad boob moments.  Lord knows I've inadvertantly flashed more people than I care to admit, but SJP, you have people. 

You have a stylist and a team of people who are paid to make you look good and make sure the girls are in place.  The girls did not behave.  I've never been so lucky as to have a team of people to help me get ready for an event, but I have had good friends to point out bad boob moments.  Once before a casino night in college, I put on a dress I'd worn before, a great black dress from Pier 1 (when Pier 1 carried clothing back in the day -- man, that was awesome) which had an empire waist in the front, a deep scoop neckline, and was more fitted in the back -- it was pretty cool.  Unfortunately, I had the wrong bra and I would have flashed everyone all night, so I did what any girl would do in the situation, I wore the dress backward.  And it looked great.  And no one knew I had the dress on backward.  And my boobs didn't fall out for everyone on campus to see.  True story.  Ask Kim, she will tell you (and she'll also tell you how her boyfriend Cody complimented me on my shoes that she said were ugly and didn't acknowledge how bangin' she looked, so she broke up with him.  Okay, so that wasn't the reason she broke up with him, but it was the last straw).

So, SJP, consider this your intervention.  Also, watch the final scene of your best work to date and remember the good old days before the Oscars when everything could be solved with a dance-off. 

xxxooo,
Kerry