I don't know how long I can handle The Seacrest.
5:14 - I do not enjoy Jessica Chastain. Guilliana just said she is a young Meryl. No, she is not. Guilliana, you are insane. Go directly to the crazy hospital, do not pass go. I do have to give props to Chastain for the red lipstick because as a redhead, I wear red lipstick and a lot of redheads think they can't wear it. They would be wrong.
5:17 - Kelly Osbourne still thinks she's Dame Edna.
5:23 - I also do not enjoy the Mani-cam.
5:24 - wait - there is a GI Joe movie with The Rock and Bruce Willis? What?
5:25 - Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta. the dress is gray and ruffly. good dress. she's going to be Lois Lane in the new Superman movie. I am glad The Seacrest is no longer using the box of Frost 'n Tip on his hair.
5:27 - Ross just called Guilliana G. that is just wrong.
5:28 - Jeffrey Katzenberg is wearing a straight up regular tux. Zoe Saldana just arrived. Girl looks good.
5:30 - The Seacrest just referenced his shortness. WE KNOW.
5:31 - Reese Witherspoon has pretty hair.
5:32 - Channing Tatum just left The Seacrest. He does nothing for me.
5:33 - The nine year old from Beasts of the Southern Wild has a puppy purse. I vote for her. She looks more glamorous than I ever have in my life. She's going to be Annie in the remake. Can you even handle that? You know I was Annie for Halloween once.
5:36 - Guilliana is asking Reese about her hair. It's called a stylist, Guilliana. Come on. There is no secret to that.
5:37 - Octavia Spencer is fantastic. Did y'all see her guest spot on 30 Rock. That made me love her even more.
5:39 - my head hurts. I blame The Seacrest.
5:42 - Kerry Washington is so pretty. And I love the red dress. You can tell she doesn't enjoy The Seacrest. I can't even take the mani-cam.
5:45 - it's Harry Potter. Who let him in? is he even nominated? he's even shorter than The Seacrest. I am short, but I am not on tv.
5:47 - This lady is drunk. I don't know who she is (from Silver Linings Playbook), but she said her diamonds are blood-free and told The Seacrest he has beautiful eyes. Clearly drunk.
5:52 - Heisenberg is talking.
5:53 - Jennifer Lawrence says she is starving. I bet she is. Power cord came out on the mani-cam. Thank goodness.
6:01 - how cute is is that Joseph Gordon Levitt just met Dustin Hoffman on the red carpet? that was adorable.
6:02 - Norah Jones is precious. I like her hairdo. Melissa McCarthy! love the gray dress. girl has some big hair tonight. I love some big hair. Her hubs said he is wearing a tuxedo. he's right.
6:04 - Jennifer Lawrence looks like she's walking on a cloud.
6:05 - I think I just fell asleep for a minute.
6:10 - Jennifer Hudson is weaing Roberto Cavalli. I'm not loving her weave. An up-do would work wonders. She is so much taller than The Seacrest.
6:12 - Catherine Zeta Jones and her Pappaw, Michael Dougas.
6:13 - Kimora Lee is with Guilliana. her hair is messed up in the back. poor thing.
6:15 - I can't even deal with Helen Hunt.
6:16 - Christoph Waltz. Boring. Jane Fonda just showed up in Big Bird yellow.
6:17 - Anne Hathaway is making fun of The Seacrest's hair. She's my automatic favorite. She's wearing light pink and some side boob. The dress is Prada. The boobs are probably hers.
6:19 - Naomi Watts is in some weird Star Trek evening gown in silver.
6:21 - my bff Charlize Theron is 4 ft taller than The Seacrest. She says she donated her hair products and hair dryers when she chopped off her hair. Who do you donate hair products to? Is there an angency for that? I want my hair products to have a good home.
6:28 - Bradley Cooper brought his mom to the Oscars. She is wearing a Muppet.
EIGHT O'CLOCK. I can't take it. Seth McFarlane looks like Peter Brady and Donny Osmond had a baby. Kerry out.