Thought for the day: people need to settle the fuck down. This goes for a lot of people lately.
I often tell my basset hound that when she runs in the house and is all "I know there's food in here somewhere!" I'm aware the Dog Whisperer probably doesn't use this technique, but it works for me. My dog understands cursing and arm waving, so it's okay.
When I watch chefs bake on television and they measure ingredients in grams, it makes me think they are also drug dealers. Or former drug dealers.
I hate cornucopias.
When you're picking out flooring and setting up a time for the peeps to come measure your floor, try to work in Martha Stewart's prison sentence just for fun. See if anyone notices, then go back to talking about flooring. It's fun times.
Have you seen the Golden Corral commercial that shows they now have chocolate fountains? I guess when you want to eat everything you can, but still feel fancy there's Golden Corral. I don't understand why a restaurant would have a word in the name means an enclosure for farm animals. Maybe it's owned by the Dress Barn people.
If you're not watching Mad Fashion on Bravo, do yourself a favor and watch. Six-pack Stacy and I text during the show every week and laugh. It's funnier and smarter than most scripted comedies and it's a reality show about fashion design.
I don't know what I'm going to be for Halloween. I thought about being a mom having a white Russian who makes fun of kids' cosutmes, but that's what I was last year.
I like asking kids what they're supposed to be. It's fun. Like the interview portion of Miss America.
I'm still not giving candy to teenage girls dressed as sluts.
Have I told y'all about the time the hubs dressed as Fred Flintstone at work because everyone there told him that everyone in the office dressed up for Halloween. Yeah, he was the only one in costume. True story.
One of my Facebook friends' current profile picture looks like that album cover of Phil Collins where you can only see half his face and it's uncomfortably close-up. I think you should probably tell a friend if they look like Phil Collins, because come on, he's not George Clooney. Or Alec Baldwin. Or even another Baldwin. Maybe I should keep that to myself. Don't tell anyone.
