Saturday we went to the school's fall festival and I realized something: every time I see a particular pta mom she is wearing wind pants. Remember wind pants? They were athletic pants in the 90s (I think). I never wore them because I know when to stay away from a fad. Unfortunately, some people don't know when to give fads up. Those things make swishy noises when you walk. You know that's wrong. Also, when you wear yoga pants or wind pants or sweat pants everyday, just admit that you've give up.
I also ate fair food. OMG, fair food.
Today is Halloween. My neighborhood goes all out for Halloween and this year is closing the main road to cars that do not have da Creek sticker on their windshield. I call my subdivision da Creek. Supposedly, golf carts will not be allowed on the streeets. When I was a kid no one took their kids trick or treating on a golf cart, but we didn't have golf carts in the ghetto, so maybe that's why.
I'm watcing the Food Network while waiting on the DirecTV guy to come. Why to chefs want to put raisins in stuff? If I come over for dinner, don't put raisins in the rice. Or the couscous. Or anything.
Yesterday was our family picture day. We went to a place in Covington that has great areas for photos. It should have been great, except that while stepping down from the gazebo, I fell of and sprained my ankle pretty bad. I FELL OFF A GAZEBO. People, this only happens to me. There were other people there with their photographers, but I didn't see anyone else get injured because I am the only walking disaster in town. Not so much walking today, more like hobbling.
Since I can barely walk, I'm foregoing my slutty graphic designer costume tonight.
The hubs asked if I need crutches. I don't think a person with zero balance should be given crutches. I'd probably stab myself in the eye with them.
One of my friends called to ask where they could find tacky Christmas cards today. I'm the go-to person for so many things for so many people. Need a lyric to a song? Call Kerry. Need to find some website? Call Kerry. Need to know who That Guy was in That Movie? Call Kerry. Need to know what a certain font is called? Call Kerry. Need to know how to use your webcam? Call Kerry. Need to know what the difference is between Cajun and Creole? Call Kerry. Need to know if Anderson Cooper is gay? Call Kerry. No, I didn't make up any of those.
I could have been a slutty web designer for Halloween. That costume is remarkably simular to my slutty graphic designer costume.
I hope some of the houses are giving out Percocet tonight.
That was a joke. Mostly.
Would you believe I forgot to get a pumpkin to carve this year? Me. I forgot. I'm way off my game this year. I may just paint my face orange and sit on my porch.
If any of the houses in my subdivision give out pretzels or raisins, I may or may not punch the people in the face. Same goes for those chewy peanut buttery things no one likes. If you give out those chewy peanut buttery things, you're an asshole.
