Welcome to my brain today.
Last night I went to bed with a huge sense of relief after finishing my friend's website, ready to dream of rainbows and fluffy kitties and Andrew McCarthy in 1986, but woke up in the middle of a dream where I was having dinner with Jeff Lewis (from Bravo's "Flipping Out") and Anderson Cooper, talking about the balloon boy from Colorado and I'm pretty sure we were at the Red Lobster. What does that mean?
Balloon boy's name is Falcon. Who names a kid Falcon? What are the siblings names? Eagle and Rooster? Sparrow and Ruby-throated Warbler? Finch and Red-breasted Nuthatch? Poor kids.
If I had a red-haired son I would totally call him Rooster as a nickname.
I made the mistake of going to Best Buy today. 42 people asked if they could help me find something, so I finally said yes and asked where the recordable CDs were. Chickie insisted on leading the way, I followed. There were a row of CD-Rs and chickie says, "here are the CD MINUS Rs." Minus. I'm thinking if you use those you'll actually subtract part of your music collection from your iTunes.
No, I didn't correct her. I know the dash means nothing for CDs.
My garbage company hates me. Over the past month, they've cracked the front of the can to where it's barely hanging together and today, somehow they garbage men managed to break a wheel off of the can. If only there was video of my attempt to drag the one-wheeled can back to the garage -- it would be a You Tube sensation. Of course, it would have to be bleeped every other word, but a sensation nonetheless.
I dropped an entire pitcher of iced tea on the kitchen floor AGAIN tonight. I have the coordination of a sleepy toddler. I was going to say "drunk toddler," but that would be wrong.
Our modem is trying to die. It's been doing this turn off randomly thing for couple of weeks, then last night it wouldn't come back on for 10 minutes. I called AT&T about the thing today. Chickie tries to get me to "troubleshoot" it. I told her I was damn close to shooting the thing with the rifle and she needed to send me another modem. Chickie verified that we have the extended whatever and says it will be here in 3-5 days. Welcome to Kerry's troubleshooting -- it's not working properly, send me a new one. I have PMS, you don't want to try me right now.
At Walgreens, I stood in front of the PMS over-the-counter section for at least five minutes trying to remember what I usually buy. It seems there are many more boxes than before. Drug companies, I have PMS, I don't need options right now. I need a box that says "take this now for your cramps so you don't kill someone with a pen in the parking lot." That's the box for me.
All the ingredients in the PMS medicines are the same, so I don't know why we need 20 to choose from. I picked Midol. And M&Ms. You know, for the extra caffeine in the chocolate.
I saw a commercial tonight for Reese Witherspoon's new perfume. Do y'all remember way back in the day when the only celebrity who had a perfume was Elizabeth Taylor? Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that we live in a world where anyone can have a perfume? Avril "I'm so punk! Look at me, I'm Canadian and I can flip the bird!" Lavigne and Tim McGraw both have perfumes. I'm unveiling my new perfume next week. It's called Kerrageous and it has all my favorite scents in one bottle: geranium, sweet pea, honeysuckle, mint, chocolate chip cookies, and cornbread. And butter.
Mmm...cornbread.
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